What’s Love Got To Do With A Dirty Rotten Thief?

Today, I give you a love story of sorts. It has sweaty bodies and heavy breathing and everything. A couple years ago, when I was a personal trainer, I worked out nearly every morning with my friend (and awesome trainer), Juliana, at a small park up the street from my apartment. And nearly every morning,…

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If You’ve Never Wrestled With Jealousy, For The Love Of Sweetbreads, Please Don’t Read This Post!

Have you ever been wrongly accused of nefarious activities? Betrayed by people who were supposed to trust you? Made to shout silly things to a crowd in a limp British accent? I was a Spud Wench. Not a Spud Wrench. That’s a totally different thing. For the uninitiated, it simply means I used to sell…

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Friends and Other Alien Artifacts

Much of my life I’ve been on the move. My family was nomadic early on so I never grew roots or established lasting bonds with people anywhere. We finally planted ourselves when I was in high school, but by then it was too late. I already knew. I’d had an inkling my whole life, but…

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Now THIS Is How To Pay It Forward

I wrestle with alligators and expectations on a daily basis. One of those things isn’t true at all. You want to guess which? Sometimes it feels like my expectations are alligators when it comes to other people. I need to learn how to handle them, and by handle, I mean wrestle those bastards to the…

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I’m A Mother Too And Here’s Why I Suck

To be clear, I’m not a mother to a human child. Mine is quite furry and likes to sniff inappropriate things. Does that make me any less of a mother? Many moms to new humans might whisper, “You bet your sweet cheeks it does,” perched on their Diaper Genies, too exhausted to shout at me….

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All Aboard! The “Writing Process” Blog Tour Continues

train

Last week I was asked to join a “writing process” blog tour by Rena “The Warrior Princess” McDaniel to help spread the word about amazing writers and bloggers. I’ve dubbed Rena thus because she is stronger in mind and spirit than most people I know. (And she uses her formidable skills to help those who…

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Crazy Eyes Caption Contest

Caption this photo! The Goon and I are feeling a little under the weather today, and we’d love to have some giggles, so we’re challenging y’all to a caption contest. Please caption the crazy-eyes photo above. Be as silly as you like. In fact, the sillier the better. The Goon says so. We’ll turn our…

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Does Your Fear Define You?

Author Kelly Byrne riding motorcycle on street

(Fantastic featured image by my friend and fellow photographer/rider Yuki Saito.) I used to do scary things. Dangerous things. Things most people would fear. Once upon a time, I was a badass motorcycle chick. A rider and a racer. I used to define myself by this. Nothing more badass than a tutu. Can I get…

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Don’t Kill That Fly!

I killed a fly last night. It was tiny and black and barely as wide as a fork tine. He was minding his own business in our bathroom sink and I made a semi-conscious decision to end him because he was going to be washed away anyway when I brushed my teeth. He wasn’t moving…

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5 Essential Writing Tips From Our Furry Friends

Author Kelly Byrne writing tips AA Milne listen to animals

One of the things I loved about being a pet photographer was witnessing the truth they told. Animals do not hide how they’re feeling. They give it to you straight. To me, there’s nothing better, nothing more pure. They can teach us so much, but like AA Milne said, you have to stop and listen….

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Are You A Superhero Sensitive Too?

The Sensitive I’m a Sensitive. Don’t worry, I’m not a mutant and it’s not contagious. I always thought my prodigious sense of empathy was a bit of a dirty curse because I so easily associated with, and slipped into, other people’s pain that it began to hurt me. I put myself in their shoes, sweaty…

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Adolescent Hormones & Love Notes: A Cautionary Tale

A letter to my hypothetical five-year-old someday daughter about love notes. My Dearest Olive: When you reach a certain age, you’re going to develop interesting thoughts and feelings about boys, you know, those ugly critters you like to wipe your snot on right now. They may seem strange and capricious at first, these feelings (and…

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5 Things To Learn From Minions

If you’re anything like me, you love love love minions, so I’m going to share what those ornery, rambunctious, chuckle-monkey, Twinkies-with-legs have shown me over the years that will help keep you safe, healthy, and happy. Or maybe none of those things, but it’s still fun to share. Minions are fairly new to the world…

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How I Banished My Bully

Bullies suck. Generally, nothing gets my hackles up faster than a story about bullying. I have a deep soft spot for the underdog and the misfit because I was both growing up. I know what it’s like to be bullied and picked on just because you’re there. When we were young, my family moved a…

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5 Life Lessons I’ve Learned From Pets

I’ve loved animals since I was a teeny person with tiny grubby hands that yanked too hard on fur. I’ve tried to ride my fair share of beagles (don’t do this) and I’m sure I nearly strangled a couple pups giving them “Kelly hugs,” but I know they’ve forgiven me. It’s what they do. Also,…

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