Perfectionists Unite! (Prepare To Suck)

Have you ever loved something so fiercely that if anyone were to take it away from you, you’d actually entertain the thought of getting murdery on them? What if this thing you ate, slept, and breathed for years of your life was slowly stripped from you, not by someone else, but some dark, insidious force…

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Depression Sucks, But This Might Help

High up on the hill across the street our neighbors have a sprawling bougainvillea. It’s a brawny beast of a bush. Its blossoms are fifty shades brighter than any blossoms ought to be. That bush is an asshole and I’ll tell you why. Its flowers are so incandescent, so utterly offensive in their cheer, some…

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Teacher Predator

Like any other relationship, it started with a glance. A flirty suggestion of something more in his eyes. Of possibility. Of danger. What did I know? I was only fifteen. I wasn’t experienced. But he was. Because he was over twice my age. And a teacher. He wasn’t my teacher. I don’t remember his name…

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How I Finally Found Compassion For My Inner Jerk

Confession: I’m addicted to bullying. You said what now? Yep. I’m that big sweaty kid on the playground with bad hair, crooked teeth, and cockeyed self-esteem, laying into those oddball creative types with the skinny wrists. But see, I’m also the creative oddball with the skinny wrists. I am both the attacker and the victim….

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Why You Should Get Back On The Horse Even If He Nearly Broke Your Hoohah

Author Kelly Byrne meme ready to fly

My mother’s the kind of woman who loves a good belly laugh. Who doesn’t, right? Growing up, many times, those laughs would come at my expense, and usually after something kinda sorta bad happened. As long as she knew my parts weren’t broken beyond repair, or I wasn’t bleeding out, she’d more than likely be…

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What’s Love Got To Do With A Dirty Rotten Thief?

Today, I give you a love story of sorts. It has sweaty bodies and heavy breathing and everything. A couple years ago, when I was a personal trainer, I worked out nearly every morning with my friend (and awesome trainer), Juliana, at a small park up the street from my apartment. And nearly every morning,…

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If You’ve Never Wrestled With Jealousy, For The Love Of Sweetbreads, Please Don’t Read This Post!

Have you ever been wrongly accused of nefarious activities? Betrayed by people who were supposed to trust you? Made to shout silly things to a crowd in a limp British accent? I was a Spud Wench. Not a Spud Wrench. That’s a totally different thing. For the uninitiated, it simply means I used to sell…

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Friends and Other Alien Artifacts

Much of my life I’ve been on the move. My family was nomadic early on so I never grew roots or established lasting bonds with people anywhere. We finally planted ourselves when I was in high school, but by then it was too late. I already knew. I’d had an inkling my whole life, but…

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Now THIS Is How To Pay It Forward

I wrestle with alligators and expectations on a daily basis. One of those things isn’t true at all. You want to guess which? Sometimes it feels like my expectations are alligators when it comes to other people. I need to learn how to handle them, and by handle, I mean wrestle those bastards to the…

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I’m A Mother Too And Here’s Why I Suck

To be clear, I’m not a mother to a human child. Mine is quite furry and likes to sniff inappropriate things. Does that make me any less of a mother? Many moms to new humans might whisper, “You bet your sweet cheeks it does,” perched on their Diaper Genies, too exhausted to shout at me….

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All Aboard! The “Writing Process” Blog Tour Continues

train

Last week I was asked to join a “writing process” blog tour by Rena “The Warrior Princess” McDaniel to help spread the word about amazing writers and bloggers. I’ve dubbed Rena thus because she is stronger in mind and spirit than most people I know. (And she uses her formidable skills to help those who…

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Crazy Eyes Caption Contest

Caption this photo! The Goon and I are feeling a little under the weather today, and we’d love to have some giggles, so we’re challenging y’all to a caption contest. Please caption the crazy-eyes photo above. Be as silly as you like. In fact, the sillier the better. The Goon says so. We’ll turn our…

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Does Your Fear Define You?

Author Kelly Byrne riding motorcycle on street

(Fantastic featured image by my friend and fellow photographer/rider Yuki Saito.) I used to do scary things. Dangerous things. Things most people would fear. Once upon a time, I was a badass motorcycle chick. A rider and a racer. I used to define myself by this. Nothing more badass than a tutu. Can I get…

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Don’t Kill That Fly!

I killed a fly last night. It was tiny and black and barely as wide as a fork tine. He was minding his own business in our bathroom sink and I made a semi-conscious decision to end him because he was going to be washed away anyway when I brushed my teeth. He wasn’t moving…

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5 Essential Writing Tips From Our Furry Friends

Author Kelly Byrne writing tips AA Milne listen to animals

One of the things I loved about being a pet photographer was witnessing the truth they told. Animals do not hide how they’re feeling. They give it to you straight. To me, there’s nothing better, nothing more pure. They can teach us so much, but like AA Milne said, you have to stop and listen….

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